John Barrymore, You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. Cop: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?. You've obviously missed it. 38. Hugh Hefner, Often when you are at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. I win! and drove off. Are you a police officer? The largest collection of retirement one line jokes in the world. 21. Unknown, "Retirement: World's longest coffee break." as He inspires you every day. See top 10 retirement one liners. To me, a job is an invasion of privacy. Unknown, He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. Unknown, There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. Robert Half, Retirement: its nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, We make a living by what we get. R.C. 623-975-0880. Why couldnt police notify the family of the murdered baker? All the best for an amazing retirement! Thats becuase it was a shooting star. The time now has come; the time is in your own hands. The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. Doug Larson, When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Before you quit, try. So I do it three or four times a day." - Gene Perret "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" - Chi Chi Rodriguez How Much Do I Need?, Net Worth? comprehensive, reliable. 20 Cops Memes Humor In 2020 Cops Humor Police Humor Cop Jokes . Quotes tagged as "retirement" Showing 1-30 of 160. quotesgram.com. Good Luck with Your Retirement which is going to haunt you. General Letter Board or Cake Sayings for . The officer looked at the mirror, handed it back and said, OK, you can go. There s a retired person in the premises with not a lot to do and plenty of stories to tell. Betty White. The water is fine! By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Add some lighthearted sarcasm and entertaining tidbits by drawing on famous retirement quotes and sayings from comedic characters, Marvel heroes, favorite reality stars, and more: Bowery King: "You're not very good at retiring. 80 Retirement Quotes - Inspirational and Funny Retirement Sayings Last updated: February 17, 2023 Retirement quotes are a fantastic way of making the retiree in your life feel recognized and appreciated. Sort: Relevant Newest # love # happy # work # job # greetings . Scott Cook 0 Likes Sponsored Links Share this quote on Facebook Send via Mail . Richard Thaler, Not having to worry about money is almost like not having to worry about dying. This highway is completely empty. Driver: Thats what Im telling you Im really far behind.. A funny retirement poem is a great way to kick off the celebration. Check out our police quotes selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our prints shops. Will Rogers, Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too. Retirement is not the end of the road. This is in line with the philosophy of the joy of being retired website which is to celebrate retirement and laugh at it instead of looking at it as a bad thing. Sheriff, "Retirement is wonderful. Retirement Party. William Shakespeare, Choose a work that you love and you wont have to work another day. "Hello, Goodbye" by The Beatles. Oliver Wendell Holmes Often when you are at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else. It's all lazy days from now on! Poke fun at the retiree or help them to revel in the fact they're retiring and everyone else isn't with these funny sayings. Farewell Tension. - Gail Sheehy. significant financial decision. The police are working tirelessly to catch him. One fire truck and 20 cops show up to a call. What did the police officer say to the hand? Clarence Darrow, "I'm not just retiring from the company; I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron." Steve Young, A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. Explore the options below for sample police retirement quotes, sayings, best wishes and more. Sherriff, I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. There's a retired person in the premises with not a lot to do and plenty of stories to tell! It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." - Gene Perret "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" - Chi Chi Rodriguez "There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working" - Robert Half "I have never liked working. You've done your hard time and now it's time to enjoy some freedom! As she dug through her purse, she became more and more agitated. Danny McGoorty"My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii." We wonder if he knows what he is leaving behind, because we already know. Take caution, though, these babies are bad to the bone. Some call it retirement; I call it bliss. Betty Sullivan, In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Mason Cooley, Its paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone. Andy Rooney, Work is the curse of the drinking classes. Oscar Wilde, The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement. Unknown, Sometimes its hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment. Terri Guillemets, I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave. Hugh Hefner, Often when you are at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, Retirement is not in my vocabulary. Unemployed and Loving It. Charles Lamb. George Burns, Age is an issue of mind over matter. Tennessee Williams, Dont look for the need in the haystack. I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother. 10. Humorous quotes and messages. Funny Retired Police Officer Golf Retirement Gift T-Shirt 4.8 (9) $1999 FREE delivery Wed, Mar 8 on $25 of items shipped by Amazon Amazon Merch on Demand 5.0 (10) +4 colors/patterns Retirement Gift Ideas Police Officer Men or Women Mens Retired Police Officer Law Enforcement Sheriff Retirement T-Shirt 5.0 (1) $1799 The officer cuts him off, "Sir, you were going twice the speed limit, I'm going to issue a ticket." Insistent, the man pleads, "Please! Its doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. Gene Perret, The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Unknown, You dont stop laughing when you grow old. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. Retirement memes: Sometimes the good old joke gets, well, old. An officer pulls over a man for speeding. George Burns Retirement life: seen it all, done it all - Can't remember most of it! You Served Honestly, Faithfully and I, for one, happen to fall in the first category. It ain't going to happen.". Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs. These quotes are perfect to wish your retiring boss, teachers, doctors and co-workers. May the wife have a happy time. Law Enforcement Officer Wife Support Law Enforcement Police Family Police Life Police Force Heroic Men Nypd Blue Gun Humor Definitely! All those years of working and now you can get back to acting like a child again! Betty Sullivan, "Retirement is not the end of the road. Unknown, "How do you know it's time to retire? I feel as light as a feather. Javier Perez De Cuellar, Happiness is being like you retired! Catherine Pulsifer, The moneys no better in retirement but the hours are. Unknown, Retirement is when you stop living at work and begin working at living. Unknown, Retirement itself is the best gift. Grammar Police Funny Sarcasm Quotes Literary T-Shirt . Brainyquote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. Before the officer can even say a word at the stop, the mandressed in a tuxedoblurts out, "Sir you have to listen to me". You just stole my heart. 43. Sylvester Stallone - Judge Dredd. I thought retiring was when you are tired and go to bed." Theres a man in the town whos stealing the wheels of police cars. more on this quote . A trisara-cop. - Greg Tamblyn " You gain two new best friends upon your retirement. Ella Harris, You have to put off being young until you can retire. Goodbye Tension - Hello Pension! Source Unknown, Gods retirement plan is out of this world. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers, A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states. If you look at what you have in life, youll always have more. Susan Cain, It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. If youre not sure where to start, consider a beautifully written piece with this exact occasion in mind. Take us with you! Today is my graduation day. "This Ain't Goodbye" by Train. Funny retirement quotes for your boss. W. Somerset Maugham, Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. # funny # animation # illustration # woman # drawing # happy # fun # party # stars # day # happy # fun # celebration # work . and may you find joy and peace He or she who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement. God bless the officers I work with. What do you call a clairvoyant who escaped from prison? From the movie: Judge Dredd. I love you! 6. West, You can never have the comeback if you dont have the retirement. Chael Sonnen, I see retirement as just another of these reinventions, another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself. Walt Mossberg, Golf is played by 20 million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Jim Bishop, A lot of friends complain about their retirement. A. QuotesGram. This song shows that even goodbyes can be hellos to a new part of life. The goal of retirement is to live off your assets, not on them. When I was 65, I still had pimples. George Burns, You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C.S. The basic mission of Police is to PREVENT crime and disorder. Unknown, If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. Cop: When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least., Driver: Youre wrong, officer. Idowu Koyenikan, Wealth for All: Living a Life of Success at the Edge of Your Ability. He had them stumped. Offer financial wellness to the people at the heart of your business. In appreciation for over 31 years Its learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. A word of warning. Retiring State Trooper When You Retire, by Tree.Cards When you retire, you get to sleep more, Robert Delamontague, "Retirement is the only time in your life when time no longer equals money." Enjoy your new chapter in life, where you become your own boss. Retirement Quotes. are presented without warranty. You will always have a home here. Author Unknown, To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth. Pearl S. Buck, Dont think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. Get Started I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!". Else, I would have to go to the police station and report you to the cops. The unique Forever Family Think Blue Line clip art re-emphasizes to the retiring officers that they are always part of the family forever, that fellow officers will always be there for them and support them. 2) Old age, fragile bones, doctor visits, medical checkups and a weak bladder - are you still looking forward to retirement? I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly. 50. Something pretty thats just the surface. The word "retirement" strikes a chord with all human beings. Show your appreciation with unique quotes or personalized logos. Teachers: For teachers, the work is never done. William Shakespeare, Age to me means nothing. They arent going to get rid of me that way. Judge: I thought I said that I never wanted to see you in here again., Criminal: Thats what I kept telling the arresting officer, but he wouldnt listen.. Police officers: Commemorate your coworker's strength, courage and bravery with a personalized police retirement gift. Sargent: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner." Woman: "I bet the bastard will say I was speeding too." sergeant police joke confession woman driver speeding. 19. William A. If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed. Before you invest, investigate. 13. But I am happy you get to retire You always did inspire! Go make the most of your days and enjoy your retirement. Happy retirement wishes! Finally a police car comes up. Unknown, "When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou, I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. 1. find on a particular financial institution, service provider or specific product's site. on the next chapter in your life, And what do they give us? Whos the most famous lawn detective? 61. A personalized best wishes and inspirational quote is an ideal way to honor the retiring police officer who spent his or her lifetime protecting and serving the community. It's time to work on your golf game, enjoy retirement! 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What are the cat police called? They say, Speed Limit 65.'. Stephen Covey 47 Likes Police quotes Safety quotes Community quotes A word of warning. Once police officers join the force, they are part of a tight-knit law enforcement community. Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over. it has a blue light. Here are some humorous options. Woody Allen, I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. . 45. 13. When Can I Retire?, and Whats My Retirement Income. 7. 1) Retirement is the beginning of the time when you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it in your own life. 55. George Burns, People ask me what Id most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. What happened? Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, Our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything. We go. If you look at what you dont have in life, youll never have enough. 24. Here's a nice variety of rhyming retirement poems that you may share with someone that is about to retire or has recently retired. Oh, how jealous I am of you You make me feel blue! It is better to live rich than to die rich. Financial peace isnt the acquisition of stuff. Being a Boomer, my friends are beginning to retire or at least thinking about it. Chris Pine, "Don't act your age in retirement. Plan the celebration with a personalized retirement plaque. You are one of the hardest workers I have ever known. Funny police retirement quotes sayings. Police officers deal with serious situations on a daily but that doesnt mean they dont appreciate a good joke. Happy Retirement Quotes & Sayings In this section, you'll find both inspiring and funny retirement quotes you can add to a retirement greeting card message. Fred Rogers The best is yet to come! Gilbert K. Chesterton, Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. Hello Pension. You're no longer cuffed to a job. Oh, my friend, that can't be! 64. Thats what he is here for. Well done on Crossing the Bridge you now can just sit and relax. We, the members of the NYPD, Retirement is wonderful. Police are usually shocked that I have a record. Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious. "A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job" - Ella Harris. No gold watch could ever top it. Abigail Charleson. of loyal and dedicated service to So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes. Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot? 7. Sign up for Scary Mommy's daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches. We tell 'em to get a life." I saw a fruit running from the police recently. Funny Retirement Quotes. Need some retirement card ideas for your co-worker? Henry Ford, Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. Bertrand Russell, Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think youre supposed to. 8329 matching entries found. He asked, Would it make a difference if I told you Im in the Air Force? The police officer replied, Yes, but only if you were driving an airplane.. different scenarios on retirement income. The claw Enforcement. Zig Ziglar, Time is more valuable than money. 26. Dave Allen, "I find the biggest trouble with having nothing to do is you can't tell when you are done." You might catch something contagious. Discover and share police retirement quotes funny. Dwight D. Eisenhower, Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now. When you get retired of life, you become the nanny of your grandchildren. The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow.". A bloody clock!" I got stopped last night by a police officer. See more ideas about funny sayings quotes. I call it bliss." Louis Armstrong, Retirement is a one-way trip to insignificance. Unknown, "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." Cop: Where do you think youre going?, Driver: Donut shop, officer. Cop: At 80 miles per hour? Driver: I wanted to make sure I beat you there, so there would still be donuts to buy.. Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? "The 50 Funniest Quotes about Retirement, via, https://www.curatedquotes.com/funny-retirement-quotes/. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says Im possible! Your tireless work ethic and 5. May you enjoy your retirement! Also, congratulations, Boss! Its not how much money you make, but how much money you keep, how hard it works for you, and how many generations you keep it for. The current institutionally provided retirement plans will not cover people's needs upon retirement. Scott Elledge, Retired is being twice tired, Ive thought first tired of working, then tired of not. Ifyou feel like theres something out there that youre supposed to be doing, it you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it. Larry Laser, "Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work." 60. Who works in tandem with the grammar police? Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Because he can stop a 10-ton truck by holding up his hand! Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does. . Not even a rumor. Maggie Kuhn, Sooner or later Im going to die, but Im not going to retire. Kitty ONeill Collins, I never had the sense that there was an end: that there was a retirement or that there was a jackpot. - Jonathan Clements. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." We, Your Friends and Brothers, Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I"m home - forever." - Gene Perret " You know it's time to retire when the guys ask you if you're "getting any," you think it means sleep. helpful non helpful. And, of course, there have to be a few funny letter boards and signs! "Won't You Celebrate with Me" by Lucille Clifton It's time to celebrate with loved ones. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." - Gene Perret "I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. Obviously . It is the beginning of the open highway." - Author Unknown Danielle Duckery, "You have to put off being young until you can retire." Dick Van Dyke, "Choose a work that you love and you won't have to work another day." Confucius, "Well, I didn't grow up with that word 'retirement' as part of my consciousness. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. You deserve a great retirement, but I know you will still keep yourself busy. Jim Bishop, Dont play too much golf. As you plan retirement, figure out what to say in a retirement card or write a retirement speech, you will enjoy reading funny retirement quotes, inspirational retirement quotes and much more about this wonderful phase of life. There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Police Retirement Quotes Funny. 13 Funny Retirement Quotes to Write in Retirement Cards Lindsay Tigar Updated: Jan. 13, 2023 Retirement is a happy, celebratory time where one can finally reap the benefits of multi-decade. Officer: I have to give you a ticket for not wearing your glasses. Driver: Officer, I have contacts. Officer: I dont care who you know, youre still getting a ticket.. What is small, has a long tail and works with the police? 7. What does it look like? the woman asked. All the best! You Never Swerved From the Path of Duty. Your happy retirement wishes in a greeting card, email, or text are a pat on the back, a standing ovation, a hearty toast celebrating both the accomplishment and expectations that retirement represents.. Tailor your best wishes to the retiree as well as your level of relationship or appropriateness given your . Why did the officer give the ghost a ticket? "Enjoy being the master of absolutely nothing.". A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way. The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. Gene Perret, "I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. 41. Alan Lakein, 7 ways to bring your future into the present, Preparation for old age should begin not later than ones teens. Happy retirement.". Their names are Bed and Couch. done for this department over the years! 23. Vince Lombardi, "The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off." Ward, Always have a plan, and belive in it. Wishing you all the best in your new retired life. Every time you borrow money, youre robbing your future self. Bravery, compassion, ingenuity and dedication all must combine in order for a man or woman to make a job in law enforcement a career in law enforcement. Funny Retirement Quotes for your Boss. Your email address will not be published. People worry so much about aging, but you look younger if you dont worry about it. 49 Police retirement Poems ranked in order of popularity and relevancy. Say farewell to the retiring police warrior who sacrifice family time and safety in the name of duty with the heartfelt happy retirement wishes and tell them they will always be part of the family. Bill Waterson, "Say goodbye to tension and hello to your pension." Have you been eating donuts?, 6. 25. So, he died of natural causes. 50 Retirement Quotes: Inspirational and Funny Retirement Sayings. What happens when a police officer goes to bed? Unknown, "I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box." A Retired Husband Becomes A Wife's Full-Time Job. 500 matching entries found. However, the following funny retirement quotes for coworkers will help to make the retiring person smile by . 29. So, I do it three or four times a day. Gene Perret, Im not just retiring from the company, Im also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. Hartman Jule, Retirement is when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house. Unknown, Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and how you want to do it. Catherine Pulsifer, Youre retired goodbye tension, hello pension. Unknwon, Retirement is wonderful. There is no requirement that police stop a person who enters a police station and states that he wishes to confess a crime or a person who calls the police to offer a confession because volunteered statements of any kind are not barred by the 5th Amendment. Gene Perret, "Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese." What would you do if I stole a kiss? Live well and prosper. Funny Retirement Quotes "Retirement is wonderful. Police say they have nothing to go on. The officer says, Maam, there are warnings posted up and down this highway. 34. It is the beginning of the open highway. Unknown, Dont act your age in retirement. Yo momma so fat she sat on the corner and the police came and said, "Break it up!". A Life Long Friendship. Before you die, give. Retirement is just a never ending vacation. Just buy the haystack. "How did you get your answer?" "Easy," says Martin, "just subtract 191 from Wednesday." We have now done so much for so long with so little, we are now capable of doing anything with nothing. 12. The best part about retirement is that you don t have to worry about getting caught for doing nothing. Congratulations. There was no other cop on the beat. 2023 NewRetirement, Inc. All rights reserved. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay Martin it's your turn. 30. Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper. Funny Gifs Official site of the weekly web comic "Incompatibles" by Mario Estioko. 4.5 out of 5 stars (455) $ 15.00 FREE shipping Add to Favorites Retirement Gifts. The public are the police and the police are the public, and both share the same responsibility for community safety. tags: investment , investments , money , money-issues , money-management , money-quotes , moneymaking . Cop: Im going to follow you to the nearest police station. Me: What for? Cop: Ive forgotten the way. Tommy Cooper, Driver: No, officer, its Hi, how are you?'. 2010-2023Sedona Winds Retirement CommunityAll Rights Reserved.
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